


who he is

by bilgegungoren00



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, Red Kryptonite, i might've gone a bit too hardcore, just a warning, prepare for angst, red kryptonite!Mon-El
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 05:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11434554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: She knew Mon-El for more than two years. They’d been dating for what felt like forever. She couldn’t be that wrong about him, right?Or, in which Kara has to figure out why Mon-El is acting so weird.





	who he is

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all!
> 
> So, it's currently close to 4 a.m., and I've been working to finish this for about 8 hours now and I'm about to die, so hopefully this doesn't suck and there aren't many mistakes lol. But yeah, I definitely need sleep. Like, right now.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this!

It was around 5 p.m. when Kara pushed open the doors of the alien bar, her hand gripping the strap of her bag tightly. It had been a long and tiring day at CatCo with Snapper ordering everyone around, and Kara had come close to losing her mind around lunchtime, wanting to bang her head on a wall or something. Snapper had not only rejected the article she spent the whole previous day writing, but he told her that if she brought another Supergirl-biased writing to him she would get fired…which, granted, was not much of a surprise. Snapper _hated_ biased articles, and, well… When it came to Supergirl, it was really hard for Kara to not be biased. So now not only she had to rewrite her article, but she needed to find a way to make it non-biased.

_Tonight._ She could figure that out tonight. Now all she wanted to was sit in the alien bar, grab a club soda, and hang out with her boyfriend as he worked…who had just spotted her and was grinning at her behind the counter. Despite everything Kara found herself smiling too as she made her way there.

“Hey, babe,” Mon-El greeted her, his eyes shining with joy and…something Kara couldn’t pinpoint under the dim lighting of the bar. He put aside the glass he was cleaning as Kara almost threw her bag over a chair.

“Hey,” she said, leaning over the counter to press a small kiss on his lips. Just as she was pulling back, Mon-El slid a cup of club soda on the counter.

“Club soda on the rocks,” he said with a wink, throwing his towel over his shoulder, “for the beautiful lady.” Kara found herself chuckling at that as she plopped down on a barstool.

“You’re amazing,” she mumbled as she watched him rest his elbows on the counter. “Have I mentioned how amazing you are?” Mon-El chuckled at that as he leaned forward, stealing another kiss. He shrugged.

“Well, I try,” he said with a smug grin, something that made Kara roll her eyes, yet she couldn’t help it as the corners of her lips twitched. She liked it when Mon-El was in an especially good mood, because he tended to be, joking, smiling, laughing so freely, so easily that it made her chest flutter. Yes, of course he was almost always in a happy mood, but not…not completely happy. There always seemed to be something—some lingering thoughts, memories, or doubts—that weighed him down, albeit slightly. But now… Now all of that was gone. Now he seemed to be _truly,_ 100% happy.

That only made her happy, though, until she remembered why exactly she’d come. To complain about Snapper and work, to get the heavy feeling out of her chest and feel lighter. She could always trust Mon-El on that matter; he listened to her whenever she had something to get off her chest without interruptions, without saying anything or pointing out his opinions. He was just… He was just there for her as a supportive boyfriend, and the best part was that he never failed at letting her know that he’d _always_ be there for her. Honestly, she couldn’t have asked for anything else from him.

“Yeah, well, at least one of us is in a good mood,” Kara muttered as her shoulders slumped and she downed half of her club soda in one sip, wishing for something stronger but knowing it would be very irresponsible for her to get drunk. Mon-El just lifted his brows at the comment without saying a word, as if waiting for her to continue. She pushed her glasses up her nose. “Because guess what? Snapper rejected one of my articles, _again,_ saying that it was way too pro-Supergirl, so now I have to rewrite the whole article. Can you imagine that?” She laughed sarcastically at that, looking up to see Mon-El…rolling his eyes? She was caught so off guard at that reaction that she was thrown off, not being able to speak for a couple of seconds. Yes, Mon-El was a funny and sarcastic guy, mostly, and he did roll his eyes a lot, but not at her. Never at her, especially if she was sad.

Opting to interpret it as a reaction to what Snapper did, not her, she continued. “But I _am_ Supergirl,” she hissed quietly, spreading her arms. “Of course I’m gonna be biased writing about her. Granted, Snapper doesn’t know that, but—“

“Hey, hey, hey, babe,” Mon-El stopped her as he shifted his hand, putting it on her arm. “Don’t you think you talked about _Snapper_ enough times?” Annoyance was visible in his eyes as he almost _spat out_ her boss’ name. Kara was so stunned that she couldn’t even say anything as he smirked, leaning forward. “There are a lot of better things we can do other than discussing that old grumpy bastard.” His fingers lightly traced the bare skin of her arm, making her almost shiver… If it wasn’t for the fact that she was surprised and annoyed too. She frowned, feeling a crinkle form on her forehead.

“Mon-El…” she started, trying to get his attention as he tried to reach forward and kiss her, but he didn’t even attempt to stop. So much so that she had to pull back and lift her hand, putting it on his shoulder. “Mon-El!” she said, more forcefully this time, fixing her gaze on him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She swatted his hand away when he tried to push up her sleeve, his fingers moving to her bare shoulder. Mon-El seemed truly confused at that as he frowned.

“Um, holding my girlfriend’s arm?” he said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Giving you an example of all the fun things we could be doing instead of talking about Snapper.” He said it so nonchalantly that Kara couldn’t help being taken aback at that. She blinked, only being able to snap out of her stupor when she felt Mon-El’s fingers brush hers again. She yanked her hand back.

“We’re in _public_ ,” she reminded him, trying not to be shaken at the fact that he just gaped at her at that. As if it didn’t matter. Seriously, what the hell had gotten into him? “And even besides that, I was trying to tell you _something_ , Mon-El. You could’ve at least _listened_.” If it had been a different day she would’ve been able to let go of that, it wasn’t like Mon-El wasn’t right and she was talking way too much about Snapper, but she’d already been irritated, and on top of that him doing something like this, so unlike the Mon-El he knew… It had gotten to her nerves. Usually, he was good at spotting when she needed someone to listen…and he listened. But now…

“Yes, but you were being _annoying_ ,” Mon-El said as he straightened up, a confused frown on his face. He crossed his arms over his chest as Kara arched her brows incredulously. He could _not_ have just said that, right? “Whenever you come home from CatCo, it’s all ‘Snapper this’, ‘Snapper that’. If you’re so annoyed by it, you can just quit, you know?”

“Excuse me?” Kara said as she lifted herself off of her stool, pressing her palms onto the counter. “Mon-El, I think you and I both know that I _love_ my job and I _love_ CatCo.” She was fuming by the end of the sentence, and had to stop and take a deep breath to keep herself from making a scene. “Just because I might complain about it from time to time—“

“Every day of the week,” Mon-El interjected, but Kara continued over his words, trying to ignore them.

“Doesn’t mean I hate it.” She was breathless by the end, staring at Mon-El, feeling her heat vision creeping along the edges of her vision. She expected him to apologize, to say that he was sorry for his words and that he took them back…because that was who he was…and yet all he did was shrug. _Shrug._

“Well, then maybe you can tune down the complaining a bit,” he suggested, his expression morphing into a grin again as he scooted forward. “So that we can have more time for _this_.” His fingers trailed along her arm again, while her other hand reached for the collar of her shirt and pushing it away from her neck. Kara felt her breath catch at the touch, despite the anger brewing in his stomach, and she was almost glad Mon-El was interrupted by a customer before he could melt her anger. He…had a tendency of doing that too, way too easily for her liking. The man called for Mon-El from the other side of the bar. One of the regulars, as far as Kara remembered.

“Excuse me, Mon-El?” he said, lifting his hand. Mon-El sighed exasperatedly at that, removing his hand from her shoulder, but the hand on her arm stayed. He didn’t even glance at the customer as he answered.

“I’m busy.” And then returned to focusing on Kara. She was so taken aback by the harshness of those words that she couldn’t say anything, at least not until the customer spoke again.

“I just want two beers, man. And then you can return to your girlfriend.” The white skinned alien flashed a friendly smile at Kara, a smile that she would’ve been able to return if not for the situation. Yes, he was definitely one of the regulars, someone who was close to Mon-El. Yet still… All the Daxamite did was groan with frustration as he pulled back from Kara and glared at the alien.

“I said I was _busy_ ,” he hissed again, crossing his arms over his chest. Even the alien seemed surprised at that, not being able to say anything, at least before Kara interrupted.

“I think you should take care of your customers, Mon-El,” she said, her voice cold and clipped as she mirrored his gesture and crossed her arms. She lifted her brow challengingly. And finally, _finally_ Mon-El turned around, after rolling his eyes again, and grabbed two beers from underneath the counter. He strutted to the alien, almost _slamming_ the beers onto the counter.

“You want beers, Ot’ihz?” he asked with a snarl. A snarl. Kara could do nothing but watch as he leaned over the counter. “Well, here they are.” And then…

And then he punched the guy.

He punched the customer in the face so forcefully that he fell down on the ground.

_He punched the customer,_ and Kara couldn’t do anything but squeal in surprise.

“Mon-El!” she screamed, rushing to the alien’s side. Yet all Mon-El did was just…stand there, look down at the alien unsympathetically.

“And that is for interrupting my time with my girlfriend,” he added before he ripped off his name tag and putting on the counter. Kara understood what he was doing way too late while she was trying to make sure that the alien was okay, because it seemed like the left side of his face was completely broken, which could only mean that Mon-El had actually used his full strength hitting him. A customer. Over two beers.

_What the hell was going on with him?_

Yet before she could ask that, before she could even lift her head he was walking to the exit, his shoulders tense. She rushed to her feet, calling him. “Mon-El, where are you going?” she asked, taking a couple of steps forward, yet they halted when he didn’t even say anything as he pushed open the door and left. She just stood there, staring at the spot he disappeared at, her heart slamming against her ribs in anger, frustration, shock, fear as she tried to decide whether she should follow him or not.

Yet it seemed like her phone decided that for her, because at the same time a text from Alex came, alerting her of an armed robbery going on in National City. As much as he wanted to look for Mon-El and demand to know what was going on… That needed to take the backseat for now.

Yet still, even after deciding that, anger and worry were churning in her stomach as she left the alien bar to stop the armed robbery.

* * *

Kara landed on the terrace of the DEO approximately five hours after she talked with Mon-El. Thirty minutes of that was spent with stopping an armed robbery and handing the robbers to the police. The remaining four and a half hours…trying to find Mon-El. First she’d gone home, hoping maybe he went there and they could talk about what happened—punching customer in the face hard enough to break their bones was not something he would do on a normal day, _ever._ And… And now that Kara had calmed down, now that she started thinking more clearly, she realized more and more that something _must’ve_ been wrong with him. He would _never_ deliberately hurt someone, especially over something so minor. That meant she had to find him sooner rather than later, figure out what was going on, and fix it if she could.

And that would’ve been easier…if he had been home. But he wasn’t, and neither did he answer any of her calls. In fact, in the fifth time she was _pretty_ sure he’d sent the call to voicemail deliberately. Which was _another_ thing that told Kara that yes, something was definitely off, as Mon-El _always_ answered her calls on the first ring if he could. But now…

Now it seemed like he didn’t even want to _talk_ to her. And it wasn’t even just that. After waiting an hour at home for him to come, Kara had given up and decided to search for him flying above the city. Yet all she could find was nothing. Granted, it was really hard, even for her, to find someone like that, but still… It was like he’d just dropped off the face of the earth, or that…that he was in some sort of trouble. At least that was what Kara chose to see, because the alternative…him not wanting to see her…was far worse.

“Hey, guys,” she said as she shook off her thought, instead focusing to the main control center and announced her arrival to her friends. Winn and Alex looked up at her where they were sitting, side by side. Alex stilled almost immediately.

“Uh oh,” she said, straightening up. Kara’s steps halted at that. “Something’s wrong.” The Kryptonian frowned, not even trying to deny it.

“How do you know?” she only asked with deflated shoulders. She was so tired of pretending to be strong, telling herself that it would be okay, that nothing was wrong, Mon-El was strong and could take care of himself. Yet that didn’t change the fact that there was bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, growing with every second, so much so that she couldn’t pretend to be not worried anymore. Because she _was_ worried. She was about to lose her mind if she didn’t find Mon-El soon.

“You’re crinkling,” Alex explained as a serious look crossed her face. “What’s going on?”

Kara dived into the subject without even bothering to waste time with chitchat. “Did you guys see Mon-El?” she asked, trying to sound as nonchalant and unworried as possible. “I was in the alien bar earlier today, and he’d seemed kinda off, but then when I tried to find him to talk to him he was nowhere to be found…” The pit of worry in her stomach grew when Alex and Winn shared a confused glance.

“Um, yeah?” the latter said finally, turning to face Kara. “He came here like ten minutes ago, and…he seemed okay. Like his usual chirpy self.” All the Kryptonian could do was blink at that, her brain struggling to process the words, as Alex interjected.

“Though he did dress pretty weirdly,” she added, knitting her brows. “I mean, even I can admit that he looked pretty hot in that black leather jacket and torn jeans, but I’ve never seen him wear something like that. I thought he was a colorful plaid shirts type of guy.”

“He is,” Kara muttered under her breath absentmindedly, racking her brain to figure out what could be happening to him. What could’ve gotten into him in a day to turn him into…into this…person, so different than who he actually was?

Yet before she could find an answer to her question, Mon-El’s voice echoed inside the room. “Kara! And here I was thinking where you were.” She spun around, only to see him coming out of a hallway, walking towards him, in a…

Wow, Alex was certainly not kidding about the clothes. Because the black leather jacket, the torn jeans, and…was that a tight grey tank top? They definitely looked like they belonged to someone in a…in a biker gang.

Wait, could _that_ be what Mon-El was dealing with?

“Mon-El,” she said, worry audible in her voice, as she extended her hands in front of him, ready to ask him what was wrong… When he took her in his arms and imprisoned her lips in a kiss. She was so caught off guard that she couldn’t do anything but put her hands on his chest as she felt his lips move against hers. He was kissing him so passionately, so fervently for…for a public space that a part of her knew that she should stop him, not just for that reason but also there was _obviously_ something wrong with him. Yet she lost all sense for a couple of moments into the kiss, feeling her eyes flutter shut.

At least until he pulled back, a grin adorning his lips, and cupped her cheek. “I’ve missed you so much,” he muttered, his steel gray eyes shining with such desire that Kara couldn’t help shuddering.

She could barely hold onto the logical side of her brain as she interrupted him, reminding herself that he wasn’t okay, that something was wrong, and she should…she should get to the bottom of that instead of kissing him, because as good as that felt, it certainly was not a solution.

“Mon-El,” she said, more forcefully this time—at least as forcefully as she could muster while being out of breath—yet before she could even get a word out Mon-El whined in complaint and dipped his head again.

“Shut up,” he whispered, ordered almost as he kissed her again, not letting her get far away as he tightened his grip around her waist. She tried to fight him, she really did, but in a couple of seconds… In a couple of seconds she lost herself in the kiss, _again._ But with the way he was sucking on her lower lip, with the way the ends of his hair brushed her forehead, with the way his hands traveled on her back and waist, going up to the collar of her shirt and unbuttoning it…

Wait, was Mon-El trying to unbutton her shirt _in the middle of the DEO?_

_That_ finally managed to get Kara to snap out of whatever spell she was in and push Mon-El back harshly, even using a bit of her superstrength, so much so that a couple of inches appeared between them. She tried to keep her voice steady and hide her thundering heart as she looked at his eyes. “Mon-El, what are you _doing_?” she hissed, searching his face, feeling Alex and Mon-El’s gazes on them. Yet all he did was shrug nonchalantly as he lifted his hands again, putting it on her chest and fiddling with the buttons.

“I want you,” he whispered, almost breathlessly, flashing him a ruthless grin that made her insides both shudder and go cold. Because that look… She’d never seen _anything_ like it from him. It was like… It was like a feral animal, like someone who didn’t care about anything other than their own desires. Which was…having sex with Kara right now…in the middle of the DEO… “Right here. Right now.”

She swatted his hands away fervently at that, feeling her cheeks burn as she stepped back. “Mon-El, we can’t,” she said harshly, fixing her gaze at him. She could feel anger and worry churning in her stomach. “We’re in the DEO now,” she reminded him. No matter how much she might want…this, or that she didn’t mind a bit of PDA, sex was taking things too far. That was something she could never do in her workplace. And Mon-El knew that. He should know that.

Yet all he was doing was to gape at her blankly, as if he couldn’t process her words. He reached up to wrap a couple of strands of her hair around his fingers. “So what?” he hummed, leaning forward, so much so that there were barely inches between their lips. Kara’s breath got hitched in her throat as he continued. “Come on, I think we both know all that good little girl-next-door act is a lie to cover up the fact that you’re as bad as those you put behind bars.” And with that…

With that all the magic of the moment disappeared as Kara snapped out of her stupor, not being able to help herself as she stepped back. She could feel a crinkle forming on her forehead all over again.

“What the hell are you talking about, Mon-El?” she couldn’t help asking incredulously. He couldn’t have… He couldn’t have meant that, right? The people she put behind bars… Those were criminals. Robbers. Thieves. _Murderers_. He couldn’t be thinking… “What has gotten into you?” Because that…that did not sound like him at all. She could ignore everything else, but hearing him say that…

“Nothing,” Mon-El argued, seeming even _surprised_ at the fact that she was _bothered_ by his words. “This is who I am, Kara. It’s just that now I’m not hiding it.” He’d said it so matter-of-factly, so honestly, without a hint of emotion except the anger burning in his eyes, that Kara’s heart skipped a beat with fear. He looked like he was telling the truth, and… No. _No._ Kara refused to believe that. This was the man she’d been with for two years. This was the man she loved, the man she’d been _living_ with. Surely she knew him by now, right? And this… This wasn’t him. At all.

“This is _not_ who you are,” she said, her tone harsher than she intended. But… But she was frustrated and scared and worried, and that…that was so not a good mixture of feelings for her. “I _know_ who you are, and this… What is going on with you?” At the end of her words worry had suppressed the other emotions, and she could almost feel her shoulders slumping as she searched Mon-El’s eyes. Yet before she could read him, a curtain fell over his eyes. He scowled as he crossed his arms defensively, a sarcastic laugh leaving his lips.

“Why am I not surprised that you don’t like me like this?” he said and shook his head. “You claimed to love me when I was acting like a little stray space puppy, but now that you see the real me it’s all gone. Of course.” The way he scoffed at that… Kara felt like her eyes could bulge out of her eyes any moment.

“Mon-El!” she yelled, spreading her arms, yet he stopped her as he stepped forward, getting all up in her personal space that she had to step back.

“Cut the crap, Kara!” he yelled, so loudly that it made her jump. She couldn’t even muster a word as he continued, shaking his head with another humorless laugh. “You know what, I don’t even know why I expected a high and mighty Kryptonian to truly love a Daxamite. It was all a lie, wasn’t it?” Kara’s vision blurred at those words with the tears filling her eyes, tears that normally made Mon-El soften, but now… Now he was still fuming as he continued, not even caring about the way Kara must’ve been trembling. At least she thought she was trembling, because her ears didn’t pick up any signs of an earthquake but the ground felt shaky under her feet. “But you know what, Kara?” he continued, causing her to take another step back as he jammed his finger on her chest, making her jerk. “This…good and benevolent hero act of yours will blow up one day, and when that happens, everyone around you will abandon you, just like you’re abandoning me now. And then you’ll realize you pushed away the only person that would stay with you through everything.” He stared at Kara for a couple of seconds more after that, breathing heavily, before he spun around and walked out. He walked out. She couldn’t stop him, nobody could stop him as a silence fell over the room. The only sound Kara hear was the buzzing of the computers as she blinked desperately to get rid of the tears in her eyes, not quiet believing, not wanting to believe what Mon-El had just said. It couldn’t be real. It just… It couldn’t be real.

…but it was. It was real, it had happened, and…

Kara got distracted from her thoughts when she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder. A feathery touch, yet she still turned to find Alex standing by her side, her face painful. “Kara…” she whispered, her voice breaking mid-sentence. Kara shook her head fervently before her sister could say anything else.

“Something is wrong with him,” she whispered, snapping out of her thoughts. She turned to Alex, only to see her wince. She pressed her lips together. “Something is off, Alex. I know it, okay? That was… That was _not_ him.” She refused to believe that that was who he really was.

She sort of expected Alex to disagree, but all her sister did was nod. “I know. He would never do that,” she said, and not just to comfort Kara. It was obvious she believed his words. “He loves you.” And then she pulled Kara next to Winn, while the Kryptonian was busy feeling extremely grateful for Alex, and trained her gaze to the IT specialist.

“And we will figure out what’s going on, right, Winn?” she asked, raising her brows. Winn nodded curtly as he spun his chair around, pulling the computer’s keyboard close to himself.

“Yep. Don’t you worry your pretty little mind about that, Kara,” he said with a small wink, despite the tension in his shoulders.

And then they all started working on it.

* * *

Nothing. That was what Kara, Alex, and Winn came up with after about an hour of searching. They’d combed through everything Mon-El did and every place he went in the last couple of days, as best as Kara remembered at least, yet still they could ‘t find anything iffy. Kara thought she’d seen the first sign that something was wrong in the alien bar, so that was where they started, but still… There was nothing. He hadn’t done anything ordinary. But then…what had happened to him?

“I don’t understand!” Kara complained finally, giving up after searching through two days worth of information. She threw her hands in the air as she turned to Alex. “He hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t gone somewhere suspicious, he’d barely even gone out to fight crime. How could…whatever this is…have happened to him?”

“Kara..” Alex said softly at that, her eyes shining with so much…pity that Kara immediately understood what she was thinking. “Maybe there isn’t anything wrong. Maybe it’s really—“

“No,” Kara argued, refusing to believe that. He knew Mon-El for more than two years. They’d been dating for what felt like forever. She couldn’t be _that_ wrong about him, right? “No, that’s not him, Alex. I know him, okay? _We_ know him. What he’s doing…it isn’t him.” She’d said it with such confidence that she hoped it was true, not just because she didn’t want to hold onto something hopeless…but also she didn’t want her heart to get broken, not when she thought she finally found true love.

Fortunately, Winn chimed in there. “I’m sorry, Alex, but I’m gonna have to agree with Kara.” He turned his chair to face the sisters. “Whoever that is, I don’t know, but he isn’t our Mon-El—“ His words were cut by a ping coming from the computer. He immediately focused back there, pressing a few buttons on the keyboard. “Uh oh. There’s an alien attack in Starr Bar. Kara, you might be needed there.”

Kara couldn’t help sighing with frustration at those words. As if everything that happened that day wasn’t enough, now she also had to deal with an alien attack on top of it? Great.

She quickly memorized the address on the computer before turning her eyes to Winn. “Figure this out,” she almost ordered before she ripped off her clothes, revealed her suit, and flew out to go to the bar.

She landed on the street merely ten seconds later; the bar wasn’t that far away from the DEO. And even from outside it was obvious that something was wrong. From the windows she could see that the customers were cowering in one corner, all of them standing, as if they were afraid of something. Except one person that he saw sitting on a chair in the bar, with an unconscious body lying at his feet. And Kara knew she was only unconscious and not dead because her ears instinctively detected a faint heartbeat coming from her.

She blasted the doors open without a second thought with her heat vision, being careful not to hurt anyone, and strolled in, ready to fight whatever threat was there.

Yet she came to a complete stop when the man sitting on the stool turned to her. Her eyes widened at that, her mouth dropping open, because it was…

“Mon-El?” A smirk appeared on Mon-El’s face at that as he pushed himself off of the barstool. All Kara could do was watch him as he grabbed a shot glass from the counter. She could hear Winn and Alex’s voices coming from her comms, yet her ears were ringing so badly that it was impossible to understand what they were saying. It all… It all jumbled together in her mind. Especially since she was so focused on Mon-El, even though she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.

“Supergirl!” Mon-El cheered, downing the alcohol in the glass and almost slamming it on the counter. “We’d just been waiting for you. Right, guys?” He turned to the customers behind him, as if waiting for them to agree. To Kara’s surprise and… _horror_ …they all hummed in agreement. All of them. As if they were _afraid_ not to do it.

Kara felt herself shudder at that as she faced Mon-El once more. She wanted to say something, _anything_ , yet she was left speechless. She couldn’t find _anything_ to say. She wanted to believe, desperately, helplessly, that this…this cruel, merciless, arrogant man wasn’t Mon-El, her loving and caring boyfriend, but… It was _him_ that was doing all these stuff. Or at least someone with his face, and the more time passed, the more she began thinking that maybe…

“And you have…what was her name again?” Mon-El continued, taking her out of her thoughts as he lightly kicked the body of the unconscious woman. “What was her name?” he asked again to the customers, and Kara’s stomach dropped when a young girl, barely sixteen, answered with a quivering voice.

“Olivia.”

“Right! Olivia.” Mon-El’s voice boomed in the bar, making Kara jump. She finally managed to snap out of her stupor at that. “You have her to thank for that. She was the one that called the police after all.”

“Mon-El,” Kara hissed, trying to ignore his words and the sick feeling in her stomach as she stepped forward. She grabbed his arm and pulled him close, away from the customers, who’d been looking at her with such hopeful gazes that it broke Kara’s heart. She didn’t even want to know what had happened here before she arrived. “What do you think you’re doing?” She tried to keep her voice low to keep it from shaking, yet it was… _hard_ …to keep herself together when she saw her boyfriend like—

Mon-El yanked his arm away, catching Kara so off guard that she stumbled forward. He threw his hands into the air as he walked backwards. “What does it look like? I’m getting myself new servants.” He turned around at the group of people, the blank look on his face turning into a… _ruthless_ one, and he gestured at a relatively old man. “Hey, you. Why don’t you bring me on more of those drinks? My alien body will need a lot more of those to get drunk.” The man scurried away behind the bar immediately, his eyes frantically searching the drinks, yet Kara didn’t miss the bruise on his chin, which indicated that…

_Oh, Rao…_

“Mon-El,” she whispered desperately at that, attempting one last time to reach the person that she believed he was, to bring him back, as she stepped forward, her hands stretched in front of her to show that she wasn’t trying to hurt him. “Please. Don’t do this. This isn’t you.” Her voice was shaking by the end, she could even feel the tears threatening her eyes, yet Mon-El didn’t even budge at that. He just crossed his arms over his chest as he took a step towards her.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Supergirl,” he said, his tone nonchalant and cold. “This is _exactly_ who I am. The prince of Daxam you were trying so hard to erase. But you know what?” He gestured at her with a distasteful look, narrowing his eyes. “This girl-scout charm isn’t gonna work on me anymore. I’m finally free of you, free to be who I want to be, who I really am.” He chuckled at that, the sound breaking pieces off of Kara’s heart. She couldn’t help wincing. “Feels bad, isn’t it? To lose control of your life? To see it slip away from you? Because that is what you’ve done to me, Kara Zor-El. You dug those Kryptonian claws of yours into my skin and weaved me into someone you could love, not even caring about what I wanted. But those days are over now.” A small smile appeared on his lips at that, a smile so proud and merciless that it made Kara’s insides go cold as she tried so hard to keep her tears at bay. It only widened Mon-El’s smile, especially as he turned around to look at the people in the bar. “And you know what, now that I think about it, I won’t employ them as my servants. As far as I can remember, even with your attempts to make me forget who I am, slavery was allowed on Daxam, right?”

Kara couldn’t stop it as a tear escaped her eyes. _No…_ her brain was whispering. No. This was impossible. This wasn’t the man that she loved, this wasn’t… This couldn’t be… She couldn’t even find the right words to explain the situation as Mon-El turned around to look at her, a smirk adorning his lips.

That was when she saw it. And her whole body froze. The red veins covering the skin around Mon-El’s eyes, flickering on and off almost, his grey eyes tinted with the same color… Something that was _way too familiar_ to Kara. Something that she’d been through a couple of years earlier, something that still haunted her at her worst moments.

Red kryptonite. Or a…a variation of that that worked on Daxamites. And suddenly, as that thought hit her head… Everything started to make sense. _Everything._ Why Mon-El had been acting so reckless, why he was so rude and ruthless, why it seemed like he didn’t care about anything… This was all red kryptonite’s doing. This wasn’t him. _This wasn’t him._

She hadn’t know that it was possible to feel both relief and dread at the same time, but as she watched the veins disappear from Mon-El’s face, that was exactly how she was feeling. She turned on her comms.

“Guys, it’s red kryptonite,” she rushed out, hoping that she didn’t sound unintelligible over her pounding heart. For a second no sound came from the comms, at least until both Winn and Alex started to talk at the same time.

“What?”

“That’s impossible.”

“Kara, he isn’t even a Kryptonian.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

With that Kara cut them with a hiss before turning her complete attention to Mon-El. “Well, it is true. Now find a way to fix this.” She fixed her gaze on Mon-El as she took a deep breath, trying not to feel bad about her decision. “I’ll stall him.”

That was all she said before she took another step towards her boyfriend, curling her fingers into fists. “I don’t want to hurt you, Mon-El,” she said softly, hoping he could see in her eyes that she understood his situation, she wasn’t blaming him, and it wasn’t his fault. None of it would get through to him now, but later… Later, when he was cured he would remember all of it, and to get through that…He’d need help. He’d need her—someone—to tell him that there was nothing he could do to stop his actions, that he hadn’t chosen to do all of that. That he couldn’t help it, even if he tried. And that…

That started now.

Kara tried not to flinch when Mon-El just laughed at that, stepping forward himself to get all up in her personal space. There were barely inches between them, close enough to get air to leave Kara’s lungs. “You can’t,” he said almost too confidently. “You’re too good for that, and besides…” He shrugged, the corner of his lips tipping up. “You love me.”

“I know,” Kara said, a smile pulling her lips too. “But that is exactly why I have to do this.” With that she spun around, way too fast for him to catch her, and landed a kick on the back of his legs. He hissed his pain as his knees buckled, yet before he could recover she grabbed him by the shoulder, throwing him out of the bar with full force. The windows shattered as he flew out of the bar, landing on the street with a thump. Kara winced slightly. “Sorry for that,” she muttered under her breath before she turned to the customers. “Get out of here, now!”

They didn’t need to be told twice as she strolled outside, seeing Mon-El recover from her throw. It was easy to see that he was seething with anger. “I know this isn’t you,” she told him, right as he lunged on her. She had to jump into the air and fly behind him to avoid his punch. “I know you’d never hurt me, Mon-El.” She hoped with all she had that there was a part of him listening to her words and writing them down as he whirled around, his fiery gaze focused on her. He rolled his shoulders.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he said as he rushed to her again. She blocked his first punch and ducked under his arm, grabbing it to twist it behind his back and send him to the ground. Her heart squeezed when she heard him grunt, despite her trying to hurt him as less as possible.

“I love you,” she said as he stood up, spitting onto the ground. She repeated herself when she found his gaze. “I love you, Mon-El. Don’t you forget that.” She saw him clench his teeth at that, fisting his hands, ready to attack her again… But before he could do that she jumped on him, landing a punch on his chin, strong enough to know that it would knock him out. And surely enough it had. He fell to the ground face first, his eyes closed, looking almost…almost peaceful like that. Without the red kryptonite affecting him. Kara stood by his feet for a couple of seconds, trying to catch her breath and gather up her thoughts, trying not to panic about everything that happened, everything Mon-El did that was bound to catch up to him. She didn’t think about anything other than the man lying down in front of her, and to make sure that he was okay. So she knelt down next to him, stroking his cheek softly as she pushed away a couple of strands of his hair away, a smile pulling her lips.

“You’re gonna be okay,” she promised him as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and legs, hauling him up. She made sure he was comfortable, despite the fact that he couldn’t even feel it, as she guided his head to her shoulder. She tightened her grip around him before she flew to the DEO, a promise playing on her lips.

“I’m gonna save you.”

* * *

It had been about three hours since Kara had been sitting by Mon-El in the med bay, waiting for him to wake up. One of his hands were clutched in between hers, their fingers laced together, as she watched him, memorized the lines of his face, praying to whatever deity was up there that he was okay and he was healed. Alex and Winn… They’d managed to reprogram the gun they used to cure her from red kryptonite in order to cure Mon-El as well, in theory at least, so he should be okay when he woke up, yet still… Worry gnawed Kara’s insides when she inadvertently thought that maybe it hadn’t worked. Maybe they weren’t successful. That was something she didn’t even want to consider. She wanted him to be free of the red kryptonite’s influence as quickly as possible, so that when he was healed… The backlash wasn’t so bad. So he didn’t feel too horrible about his actions… Though if she knew him—and now that she found out about the red kryptonite, she knew that she did—she knew that he’d feel so bad even now.

She slipped away from her thoughts when she heard someone cough by the door. Alex, from the sound of it. Yet Kara didn’t take her eyes off of Mon-El as she walked inside the med bay.

“You know you don’t have to stay by his side, right?” she said softly, stopping next to the bed. “There will be DEO agents on duty tonight. They’ll let you know when he’s awake.”

“No,” Kara refused immediately, even when she saw that the time was close to 1 a.m. She was not leaving Mon-El’s side, not after what happened to him. “I have to be there for him, Alex,” she tried to explain. “I have to be there when he wakes up from…” She closed her eyes and gulped, trying to keep the memories of her own experience with red kryptonite from surfacing. That was the last thing she needed to be thinking about now. “He’ll feel horrible about what happened. I need to be here to remind him that it wasn’t his fault. That it wasn’t him that did all those things.” A pained expression pulled Alex’s face at that.

“Kara…” she said, as if she didn’t believe the Kryptonian. As if she thought… Kara shook her head fervently.

“It wasn’t him,” she repeated, facing her sister. Her lips were pulled into a thin line. “Trust me, Alex. I _know_.” She took a deep breath as she shook her head, turning to face Mon-El, feeling emotions clog her throat. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. “When you’re under the red kryptonite’s influence, you can’t control what you think or how you react to those thoughts. You just…act, without thinking about morality, goodness, _anything._ It’s like they don’t even exist in your brain. And without them… It’s…” She shook her head. “It’s bad. And it’s even worse when you wake up from it and remember everything that you’ve done.” She searched Mon-El’s face, her thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of his hand, hoping that she’d be able to save him from the worst parts of the aftermath of red kryptonite.

“I know,” Alex admitted finally, putting her hand on the cot as her eyes traveled on Mon-El. “I know. I’m sorry, I should’ve never suggested…” All Kara could do was nod at that as her sister put a hand on her shoulder. “He’s really lucky that he has someone like you,” she added with a small smile. The Kryptonian couldn’t say anything as she nibbled with her bottom lip, hoping that…that she would be enough. That she would be able to save him from himself.

Before she had time to think about that, though, her ears caught a slight spike in Mon-El’s heartbeats. She immediately straightened up at that and leaned forward, her gaze trained on him, all her other thoughts forgotten almost immediately. She reached forward with one hand and rested it on his cheek.

“Mon-El?” she whispered softly in order to not scare him. “Baby, hey, I’m here. You’re okay.” She watched as his eyelids flutter, feeling her heart slamming against her ribs. She squeezed Mon-El’s hand, to remind him that she was there, before she continued. “You’ll be okay. You’re safe now. You’re cured. You can open your eyes.”

And with that, as if he was waiting for that cue, his heart rate made a huge spike and he shot off the bed, his eyes opening almost immediately. Kara scrambled up with him too, never letting his hand go as she watched him breathe heavily, trying to steady himself, his eyes fixed to a point on the floor. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the utter fear seeping through his features slowly. Not fear of anything that was around him but…what he’d done.

Her relief about him being cured was short lived when she felt him crush her hand in his. “Mon-El?” she mumbled, leaning to the side to get a good look on his face. And with that… With that he snapped out of whatever thoughts he was in and turned to her.

Kara felt breathless when she saw all the emotions swirling inside his eyes, so much so that it was almost impossible to pick apart one from the others. Fear, disgust, guilt, shame, anger, desperation, _pain…_ She was so shocked, so caught off guard by that that she couldn’t even do anything as he yanked his hand back, swung his legs down the bed and stood up next to her, staring at his hands.

It shattered Kara’s heart so badly to see the absolutely broken look in his eyes that she couldn’t help standing up, putting a tentative hand on his shoulder. She hadn’t even realized that Alex had left the room to give them some privacy.

“Hey,” she said, trying to squeeze his shoulder…but he pulled back almost immediately, spun around to look at her and took a step back. As if he was trying to put some distance between them. Not because he didn’t want her touch but…he was scared. Of himself. Of what he’d done that he thought…he thought he didn’t deserve it.

He shook his head fervently as he looked back at his palms, tears welling up in his eyes. It almost killed Kara to see him like…like this. He was usually so strong, so confident, carefree, and happy that seeing him reduced to this…burdened by guilt and self-disgust…it hurt. It hurt more to know that he was hurting too, that he blamed himself for everything. Kara could see it in his eyes that he did.

“I didn’t…mean…” he tried to say, yet his voice was so hoarse that he sounded almost unintelligible. It took a couple of seconds for Kara to understand what he was trying to say. “Kara, I…”

“I know,” Kara interjected almost immediately, wanting to get closer to him, to wrap her arms around him, hug him tightly and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that he wasn’t the one doing those actions, that he was poisoned and it was just that poison messing with his brain. Yet remembering him pushing her away while he stood up, or yanking his shoulder back when she tried to hold it, she stopped, not wanting to scare him off again. “Mon-El, I know it wasn’t your fault. I…” She stopped when she realized he probably wasn’t even hearing him. She could hear his heart thundering in his chest as he kept staring at his hands, as if he still couldn’t believe what he did, as if somehow those memories would disappear if he just tried enough. She gulped at that as she stepped forward again. He jerked at her movement, taking a step back, shaking his head fervently. He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, before he shut it. All Kara could do was watch him as he clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to work through his thoughts, and she was pretty sure her chest was cracked when she saw a drop of tear slide down his cheeks. This man, whom she’d barely seen cry, was crying right now. He was so _disgusted_ of what he’d done that he was crying, and seeing that…seeing how he didn’t want her close as if he thought he could hurt her… It broke her heart, especially since she knew that he would never hurt her if he could do something about it, that he loved her and he just wanted to make her happy.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered finally, his voice cracking mid-sentence. He shook his head again, not letting Kara get in a word before he continued. “Kara, I… _I’m so sorry_.” And that was all he said before he turned around and sped out of the room, catching Kara so off guard that she couldn’t catch him even with her superspeed.

“Mon-El!” she yelled desperately, rushing out of the med bay to see where he’d gone, yet she was too late. He’d already run away. He was gone, he was probably alone, hating himself, and Kara…

She hadn’t been fast enough to stop that from happening.

* * *

It took Kara way longer than she’d hoped for to find Mon-El. First she’d gone to their house, hoping that maybe— _maybe_ —he’d gone there to be in a place that was familiar to him, to be _home…_ but of course he hadn’t. For that exact reason. He hated himself right now, as far as Kara guessed, and the last place he’d want to be was home, not because he didn’t like it but he didn’t think he deserved to be there. She knew Mon-El well enough to know that.

Her second thought was that he must’ve gone off somewhere unfamiliar to be alone, away from everyone he loved and everyone he thought that he’d hurt…but that didn’t sound like him either. As much as he didn’t want to see her or anyone else, Kara doubted he _really_ wanted to stay away. He only thought he should to protect them from himself, which was, well, a load of bullshit, but Kara didn’t doubt that was what he was thinking.

So her third option was the alien bar. Yes, the days Mon-El used alcohol to escape life’s problems were in the past, but that didn’t mean that after…after something like this he might relapse back into that. Honestly…she wouldn’t even blame him if he did. Red kryptonite was…harsh. It messed with you in a way nothing else could, making you think that you were a horrible person for having bad thoughts, which was… It’d taken Kara some time to understand it, but it wasn’t true at all. Everyone had bad thoughts from time to time, it was an inevitable nature of being human. Well, being a person with flaws at least. What mattered was that what you normally did with those bad thoughts. Without the red kryptonite… Kara sometimes wasn’t even aware of them, wasn’t aware that she was annoyed, angry, or frustrated with something. She was sure Mon-El had been the same. He probably didn’t even know that a part of him was bored listening to her rant about Snapper almost every day. But red kryptonite… It revealed all those thoughts in the worst way possible, making it impossible for you to not think them, or even to try and stop yourself from it. It was just…horrible. So who could really judge Mon-El if he needed a drink?

Yet she hadn’t found Mon-El in the alien bar either—not exactly, at least. Her supervision had caught someone in the back alley, sitting down with his back to a wall, and she didn’t even need to hear his erratic heartbeats or quiet whimpers to know that it was Mon-El.

It took her a second to decide what to do, and then she landed softly in front of him, just a couple of feet away. And she hadn’t been wrong, it really was Mon-El there, curled into the smallest ball he could muster with his knees pulled to his chest and his arms around them, staring at the ground as tears flowed down his face and suppressed sobs escaped his lips every now and then.

It cracked her heart all over again to see him like that.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he whispered before she could even say a word. He hadn’t even lifted his head as he said that, still just…staring at his hands. Kara pressed her lips together to keep herself from falling apart as she stepped forward, kneeling in front of Mon-El. She was careful with her moves, slow and steady as to not scare him off again. She didn’t even attempt to touch him as she fixed her gaze on his face.

“No,” she argued, glad that she sounded as confident as she felt. A part of her was afraid that she would sound shaky and unsure because of the knot in her throat. “Mon-El, this is exactly where I should be. By my boyfriend’s side.” That finally got Mon-El to look at her, and when she saw the hate in his eyes, not directed at her but at _himself,_ it took everything in her not to grimace. It just… It hurt too much that schooling her features was hard.

“I’m not,” he said at that, so matter-of-factly despite his trembling voice that Kara couldn’t help frowning.

“You’re not what?”

“Your boyfriend. I’m not your boyfriend anymore.” He clenched his teeth and avoided her gaze again, another tear sliding down his cheeks slowly. “Not after what…what I’ve done.” By the end his voice was shaking so much that it was a miracle he even finished the sentence. He shut his eyes, gulping harshly as he curled into himself even more, pulling his knees closer and tightening his arms around them. Kara felt something break in her chest at that as she scooted closer, not letting him get far away. Because he was wrong. He was _so_ wrong that he had no idea about it.

“Don’t I get a say in that?” she asked softly, gently, as she lifted her hand, letting it hover his knee for a couple of seconds. She didn’t dare bring it down, especially when she heard his heartbeat spike at that, and it had already been pounding. She took a deep breath. “Don’t I get to choose whether I want to be with you or not?” She let her hand fall on her knee, rubbing it softly to remind him that she was there. She was with him. And all he could do was, before answering her question, was to stare at her hand, his eyes filling with even more tears. They shone almost blue under the moonlight and streetlights. So beautiful yet so…so sad at the same time.

“You wouldn’t want me.” The words tumbled out of his mouth not exactly easily, but…but Kara could see that he believed in them. He _truly_ believed them. “I’m not… I’m not worthy of you after—“

“Stop,” she said at that, cutting him as she shifted close to cup his cheek. It was hard to do that, especially with his arms getting in the way, yet she didn’t back down. She guided his head up—it was easier to do that, as if he was willing to do everything she asked from him—so that he was looking at her. She lowered her tone to speak as gently as possible. “I need you to listen to me without interrupting,” she told him, make sure she didn’t sound hesitant at all. The last thing she wanted was for Mon-El to doubt her words. “You weren’t the one doing those things. No, let me finish.” She didn’t let him interject when he opened his mouth. “It wasn’t you, Mon-El. It was a stone called red kryptonite, or a version of it, that poisoned you and pushed you to do all those stuff.” She searched her eyes, looking for an indication that said he believed her. Granted, she didn’t think that it would be that easy, but still… She couldn’t help feeling disappointed when all there was in his face was disbelief.

“I remember what I did, Kara,” he argued, shaking his head as he pushed her hand away, as if he didn’t deserve to be comforted. “I remember… I remember hitting that guy in the bar. I didn’t even… It was my job to bring him his drink but I just…hit him… I punched him because…because what? He’d interrupted my conversation with you?” He looked up at that, trying to blink away his tears, and shook his head.

“Mon-El—“ Kara tried to cut in, hating to see him so sad, broken, and disgusted of himself, yet he just continued. As if he couldn’t stop himself. As if he needed to get it out, or else it would drown him from inside.

“It was… It was so rude, so…unkind and…merciless. And I didn’t even _care,_ Kara. I didn’t care that I punched him, or…or I broke his bones if that meant… If that meant I could be with you.” He was breathing heavily by that point, gripping his arms with his hands harshly, staring off at the distance.

“It wasn’t you—“ Kara tried to argue again, desperate to erase that self-hatred from his face, but it seemed like he wasn’t even hearing her. He just kept shaking his head as tears streamed down his face, shaking uncontrollably in the chilly night air. Yet Kara doubted his trembling was about the cold.

“And those customers in the…in the bar… I threatened them, Kara. I th-threatened them to be my…ser-servants. My…” He couldn’t even say the word before he shut his eyes. “I was… I was horrible to them. I knocked one of them out because…because she did the right thing. She called the police, and I just… I pretended like I could use them, I thought I could use them, because…because I was a _prince_ back in the day.” He’d almost spat out the word as if he hated it, as if he hated _himself_. “I was so _horrible_ to them, and I… I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t even try to stop myself, because it…it made _sense_ to me. It made sense, and I… Kara, it shouldn’t have made sense. I was so bad. _So bad._ It shouldn’t have—“

“Hey,” Kara interrupted again, seeing that he was about to break down, reaching forward to grab his hands without even caring about whether he thought he deserved it or not. And this time… This time, at least he didn’t pull them back. He held onto her desperately, tightly, as if he was afraid to let go. “It wasn’t you. You weren’t the one doing those stuff,” she tried to remind him at that, clutching his hands and pulling him close, hoping that he understood, praying that he listened. Yet he just… He shook his head. He shook his head, as if he refused to believe that, as if he wanted to believe it but he _couldn’t._ After what happened he _couldn’t._ That wasn’t even surprising to Kara, as even years and many logical discussions later there was still a part of her that blamed herself for the whole red kryptonite thing.

“I was,” Mon-El disagreed, so quietly, so desperately that it broke Kara all over again. “I… I did all that stuff. To them, to _you_ …” His voice cracked at that all over again as he tried to pull his hands back, yet Kara didn’t let him, instead scooting closer until her knees brushed his legs. He could only find his voice and continue a couple of seconds later. “I…I called you evil, Kara. I said that…that you weren’t good, that you didn’t…you didn’t know me, you tried to manipulate and control me, to change me, when… None of that was true. You are _so_ good, Kara. You are… You are kind, and caring, and forgiving, and… You’re the best thing I know, but I… I told you that…” He couldn’t continue as a silent sob escaped his lips, as he couldn’t hold himself together anymore. Kara pressed her lips together as she shook her head.

“Mon-El,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, not letting him push her away, not letting him get even one inch away. She held onto him tightly, enough that it would break a normal human’s bones, until he hugged her back too, until he accepted her comfort and wrapped his arms around her. She could feel him burying his face on her shoulder as he started sobbing, silently, yet still Kara could hear the small hitches of his breath and feel his trembling body, as well as the tears wetting her shirt, and those were enough indications that he was crying. “I’m sorry,” he started apologizing as she rubbed his back. She shook her head.

“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry, Kara,” he continued, as if he didn’t even hear her. “I was horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Mon-El.” It didn’t seem like he heard her at all. He just kept apologizing as he cried, no matter how many soothing words Kara uttered in his ear. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying, even though it was so hard to see her boyfriend, her _mate,_ cry like this for something that wasn’t even his fault. But she had to stay strong, for him. She had to stay strong, she had to hold herself together and be there for him, no matter what.

She pulled back only when she was sure he’d calmed down, at least slightly, yet she immediately cupped his cheeks before she let him get far away. “Mon-El, I love you,” she told him, emphasizing the honesty behind every word. “I love you, okay? And I need you to believe me when I say this: What you did… It wasn’t your fault.”

Mon-El really didn’t seem like he believed her as he shook his head again, tears still continuing to fill his eyes. “How can you love me after what I’ve done?” he asked, his voice so low, so fearful, broken, that it hit Kara harder than she expected. She didn’t know what affected her more: The words or the tone. “How can you… How can you even _look_ at me without…without feeling _disgusted_?” She couldn’t help chuckling lightly at the ridiculousness of those words.

“I could never be disgusted of you, Mon-El,” she said, feeling glad that her voice didn’t shake as she lightly brushed the ends of his hair with her fingers, wiping his tears away from his cheeks. “And to answer your question… I love you, because I know you. And the person I know… He’d never, ever do any of those things intentionally.” She didn’t let him say anything when he opened his mouth, and instead pressed her fingers on his lips. “No, let me finish.” She searched his gaze, making sure he wouldn’t interrupt her before she continued. “You were poisoned by something called red kryptonite…or something like that, Mon-El,” she started explaining, her hands never leaving his shoulders. “And let me tell you how that works.” She forced herself to gather up her thoughts in coherent sentences. “Normally, when a bad thought comes into your mind, you can easily suppress it and push it away. Sometimes, you don’t even realize you have those kinds of thoughts if they aren’t deliberately brought to your attention. But… But the red kryptonite? It prevents you from doing that, from stopping yourself to think bad thoughts. So that one bad thought that wouldn’t cause you to do anything bad, that wouldn’t have even bothered you, grows into another bad thought, and then it grows into a worse thought, until a cascade of bad thoughts influence your actions. And you can’t stop it while under the effects of the substance.” She flashed him a small smile at that as she rubbed his shoulder, feeling him shudder under her grip again, before she continued. She shook her head. “It wasn’t you. It was the red kryptonite influencing you, Mon-El. Trust me, okay? I know.” She trained her gaze at his. “I _know_.” She hoped, with all her heart, that he understood her, that at least a part of him believed her.

He searched her eyes for a couple of seconds, the disbelief in his eyes dissipating second by second, until it replaced by… _hope_? Even that was enough to make Kara’s chest squeeze, to think that he truly believed she’d abandon him, but now that he saw she wasn’t…

“Are you… Do you really believe that?” he asked softly, with such a thin voice that she had to push her tears back before she answered. She nodded without blinking.

“Yes. I do. With all my heart.” She pushed his hair away from his forehead as she took his hand in hers, pressing a kiss on his knuckles. “You’re a good person, Mon-El. I know that. You’ve done so many good things, _heroic_ things, and those are what define you. Not the stuff you did under the influence of the red kryptonite. Okay?” And after a couple of excruciating seconds Mon-El nodded, hesitantly at first, but then more surely of himself, and Kara could feel relief washing over her.

“Okay.” She found herself smiling at that as he repeated himself. “Okay.” His eyes traveled on her face for a couple of seconds before he smiled too, despite his tears, and even though it didn’t reach his eyes… It was a start, a good start, and one she would appreciate as she rubbed his arm.

“Good. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…” She took a deep breath as her eyes flickered to the night sky. “I think the time is approaching 2 a.m. So how about we go home, because tomorrow will be a tiring day, and you know how much I hate being sleepless.” That actually earned a small chuckle from Mon-El, a chuckle that made Kara feel so proud, especially as he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said as he grabbed her hand this time, without her needing to urge him on, and squeezed it, to show his gratitude and love. And that was enough to show Kara that he would be okay. “Yeah, let’s go home.”


End file.
